Inward First

Inward First

An observation as one who spends his days making disciples…One challenge in discipleship is that most adults have never been taught to pay attention to their inner life.

Whenever I am troubled in any way, the rush is to find external explanations for what I am experiencing. In that sense, the cause of my discomfort is always outside of me – someone or something else has caused it. In my mind, I tell myself that if I could just change that circumstance, go to a different place, surround myself with different people, all would be great. That’s what I tell myself, but I know all along that it’s not actually true.  The truth is actually much closer to me than I’d like to admit.

There’s an old adage which says, “wherever you go, you are there.” Do you remember that one? Sobering words, right?

 
In the rush to find an external cause for our every discomfort or misadventure, we forfeit the golden opportunity to look inward. Though often avoided, looking inward is an incredibly powerful practice that we must discover or rediscover if we are ever to mature spiritually and emotionally. Learning to look inward and inward first, is an essential part of living a “whole and holy” life.

As a pastor and leader, this is especially true for me. Tending to my inner life is a 24/7 gig and it’s not easy at all. Yet, I lean into this practice because of the reality that who we are internally will eventually show up externally. Rather than being paralyzed by the fear of how your inner brokenness might eventually show up and wreak havoc on your life and the life of those around you, why not get started on the work of becoming aware of your inner life and working to transform it? As you getting started in this work, may I suggest a resource?

 

The single best modern resource that I’ve come across for practice of inner transformation is a book called The Emotionally Healthy Leader by Pete Scazzero. Helping leaders to see a connection between their emotional health and spiritual health is a part of Pete’s life work, which that you can learn more about at EmotionallyHealthy.Org. The Emotionally Healthy Leader is an incredible resource that helps the reader pay attention to their heart, their past, their motivations, and many other elements of the inner life. You’ll explore topics like sabbath, leadership shadows, marriage and singleness, boundaries, and more. I highly recommend this book and the workbook that goes with it!

Regardless of your career or stage of life, your inner life matters. You’re never too late or too early to begin this work. Today is a good day to get started!

Questions:

  1. What do you think keeps most adults from doing that needed inner work? 
  2. Over the years, have you learned any helpful strategies for looking inward? 
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Sin & Broken Hearts

Sin & Broken Hearts
A few years ago, I recall counseling a young couple through a very difficult situation that left one of them deeply heartbroken and the other, in many ways, crippled by their own actions. Journeying with them caused me think differently about the effects of sin. In churches, especially American evangelical churches, our general understanding of sin is individual and personal – one person’s actions that impact their relationship with God. More and more, I’m realizing that sin is also a communal thing. When one sins, it affects everyone in significant ways. Although significant, the effects are not always immediately visible. Because of that, we maintain that sin is between God and the individual. That is an insufficient understanding of sin. Sin kills. Sin destroys community and relationship. Sin leaves behind a trail of broken hearts. Sin gets in the way of God’s will being lived out in us and through us.
 
God. others. self. community. Can you see how many are affected by the sins of even one?
 There is good news, though. Just as so many and so much can be affected by the sins of just one, there is redemption available to many that is attributable to one. It was the Apostle Paul who wrote that God’s grace and the gift came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, and overflows to many. (Romans 5:15)
 
So what am I saying? I’m suggesting, at once, at least two things:
  1. Sin is debilitating and needs to be taken much more seriously because of the havoc that it wreaks. Minimizing it is like playing with fire.
  2. We need not feel hopeless about sin, because redemption is available in Jesus Christ.
May God bring both of these truths to our remembrance daily and use them to shape us into his likeness!
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It’s OK to Celebrate Dads (Part II)

It’s OK to Celebrate Dads (Part II)

We Recreate What We Celebrate

Values are, in my opinion, both taught and caught.  With our words, our corrections, and our daily actions, we are communicating our values to others.  Most would probably agree with me there.  What we often overlook, though, is the fact that the things we celebrate are the things that we, ultimately, recreate.

Here’s one way to think about it. When a child is young, they quickly learn that certain actions will earn them positive attention from the people around them.  Over time, they can be seen repeating those actions, often hoping to earn more positive attention and praise.  As parents, teachers, and others with influence over young children, we learn to celebrate certain things, rewarding desirable behaviors and attributes. At the same time, we withhold celebration and reward when that child exhibits some undesirable behavior or attribute. In doing so, we are teaching that child, communicating certain values.  The goal is always to pass along those desirable values and behaviors, getting that child to internalize and reproduce them. I’m convinced that this manner of teaching and passing along of values does not end with childhood.

If this true, what are we communicating to young boys, teenage boys, young adult males and young dads about fatherhood? I would argue that our society is sending a resounding message to boys that says fathers are expendable. The message seems to be that fathers are a “nice to have,” but not essential.  We give the impression that what the father brings to the family is dispensable, nonessential, extra.

Here is one simple truth that every woman would be wise to figure out: Not one man in this world flourishes in an environment that tells him that he is simply extra!  

All that being said, I’m admonishing the wise people among us to begin to think critically and act swiftly to start celebrating fathers.  Let younger males see that fatherhood matters and is desirable.  Better yet, let them know that our expectation is that every father would be present and active in the lives of their children.  Only when we change expectations and become more thoughtful and intentional about what we celebrate will we begin to see meaningful change.

After all, the things that we celebrate are the things that we eventually recreate!

 

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Start Acting Like a Kindergartener!!!

A few years ago, I discovered a book that affirmed a long-held suspicion of mine: most adults are way too serious!  Before you curse me out and begin to think of concrete examples of why my “immaturity” makes it ok for you to ignore the rest of this post, let me explain! The book that I’m referring to is a little text written by Robert Fulghum, and the title says it all, “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.”

I love this book for its simple, straightforward honesty.  Here is an excerpt:

—–

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand pile at school.  These are the things I learned: 

  • Share everything.
  • Play fair.
  • Don’t hit people.
  • Put things back where you found them.
  • Clean up your own mess.
  • Don’t take things that aren’t yours.
  • Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody.
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Mic Check…

Mic Check…
Everybody has a story. I’m ready to share mine.
Everybody has a voice…
USE IT!!!
How many people are there in the world? 6 billion plus? Oh, it’s eclipsed 7 billion, now?
 Either way, that’s a lot of people! It would seem with all of those people that the world would be a very loud place.  It would seem that we would easily be overwhelmed by the deafening sound of billions of people speaking, singing, fussing and creating all sorts of audible chaos.  To the contrary, though, the world can often seem like a very silent place, and I’m using the term silent in the most unappealing sense possible.  The world is quiet, in my opinion, because many people have lost their voice.  Not like  in the case of laryngitis, but in the sense that many people have had their voice taken away simply because of their standing in life.  In many parts of the world, if you are poor, if you are female, if you are of a darker hue, your are silent.  That is the rule and the expectation.  It is a sad but true reality.  But does it really have to be that way?
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